Saturday, October 29, 2016

The One I Battle with

I know I am doing what God calls me to do, but inside I feel a battle. A spiritual battle of obedience. I could continue being obedient and homeschool my son, or be disobedient and go back to my old ways. Of having a lot of time watching tv, and not fulfilling my purpose, and be lazy. Homeschooling and balancing life chores is hard. I haven't found my rhythm . It doesn't help when I'm saying to myself, this is hard, this is stressful. I need a verse in my life I can meditate on, so my mind will be fruitful, and not weigh me down. Tv I used as a tool to find peace and relax me, when stresses of life have me feeling crazy, I'd love to sit down and have myself some tv time. It relaxes me and soothes me. Tv has no purpose, but at the same time I give and give and give, to my family, tv is a time for me. Now that I am homeschooling, I don't have much time for tv, and when I do, it's only because I'm nursing my baby. I love being able to homeschool. I miss my time of refueling myself, but did tv really refuel me? Or was it just a mirage?  I do need something more, more than tv, more than homeschooling, I need Jesus. I need God to refuel me. He will heal my wounds, He will refuel me emotionally, spiritually, mentally. He will win this battle. That I will feel more joy and less stress. I'm not consistent in my time with Him, but when I do He will rest my weary soul. Battle of purpose filled life or unfulfilling life? It's my choice.
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV 

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Friday, October 21, 2016

The one thinking about next year

I've been feeling all out of sort this week, and some of last week. Last week is kind of a blur for me. Homeschooling is going well. Last week was week 7. I taught on the letter G, g, the shape rectangle, and the number 7. 
Hezekiah made a rectangle owl, G Giraffe, g grapes, rectangle friend, train with glueing rectangles as the box cars, matching shapes, rectangle monster, G gumball machine. 
Today I had to fill out a form stating that my daughter Apple was going to attend the next school year at the school she is at. She goes to a charter school, so every year it is optional for her to attend there. I did sign it back that she will be attending next school year. Already, having to plan out next school year it seems so fast. If I decide to keep homeschooling Hezekiah, I need to talk to her about being homeschooled. I would love to homeschool both children. She didn't want to go to school on Monday, she said she didn't feel like going and just wanted to stay home. I said she has to go, and once she gets there she will feel better. But before all that, she asked why doesn't Hezekiah go to school? Why does he get to be homeschooled? I said because every child is different in how they learn, I feel that he would be better being homeschooled. She didn't express that she wanted to be homeschooled, but definitely if I decide to homeschool him next year, I need to know how she feels. I picked her up that Monday and she was all cheerful. I said did you feel better when you got to school? She said Yes, there was hot chocolate and cookies in our class. She was excited for that. I said see I knew you would enjoy your day once you got there. I need to be in prayer about next school year because I need to make a decision fast. 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Matthew 8

In Matthew 8 Jesus heals many. In all that healing Jesus Calms a Storm. He says "Why are you afriad, O you of little faith." He then calms the storm. Why am I afraid? I have Jesus on my side. I have a lot of things I am afraid of. I can get stuck in my mind with these fearful thoughts. "O you of little faith." Jesus says. How do I grow my faith? As I ponder on this question it seems complicated. It seems complex. I have no words. I asked my husband. He says are you really asking me this? I said yes. He looks around, trying to find something. He goes on his computer and prints out some papers and gives it to me. He says I just taught on that very thing on Wednesday. Noted he is the youth director at our church. The headline of the paper is Faith or.....Fiction? I'm reading though the paper and making notes in my head what I need for answer. I'm just going to say God is good! Here I am in Matthew 8 and most of it is about Jesus healing people, and then in the middle it mentions faith. My husband wrote, Prayer. James 5:15 says" And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick..." so wait a minute. Did it just say that Prayer of faith? If I pray for faith that is enough to save sick people!!! Just as Jesus was healing all the people, but prayer I am taking the action of faith and also I can pray for faith to make my faith stronger. 
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." By acknowledging God I am gaining faith, by my actions, by reading the bible, by prayer. I'm acknowledging in something I cannot see, and that I gain faith, the more I act on my believing in God, the more faith I gain. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure we will get what we hope for. It is being sure of what we cannot see." Believe, hope, faith, all three work together. I cannot believe in something I can't see without faith, and I cannot have faith without hope. For what I hope for that God will do, cannot be asked without faith. 

The One that he is on a Roll

Hezekiah has been on a roll. He wrote H and L all by himself on a weekend, not even during homeschooling time. He wanted to write more letters, so he took some magnet letters I got for him recently, and he was copying them. He has been finding shapes all by himself when we go places. Today he pointed out a square on the wall, the other day he was pointing out ovals. He was watching Super Why and pointed at the H on the show and was so excited he spotted a letter he recognized in his name. Everyday I write his name letter by letter and he points it out at the alphabet. I am feeling positive and having great thoughts about homeschooling. Last week, not so much. So I am going to roll with the positive. This will be a very positive post!
      Last week we did so many awesome things. I taught the letter F,f, number 6, and the shape star. He made a fish, frog, and flower craft. We started doing letter flash cards. He does well with that and seems to memorize the letter more. I searched the clipart I wanted on Google and then paste it in word and then typed the word out under the picture, printed them and cut them out and write the letter on the front. I would mix it up and do some with capitol letters and some lowercase. I would do 8-10 so it doesn't overwhelm him and it's quick. 6 weeks ago we read Chicka chicka 123 and I read it periodically from time to time to refresh the story in his mind. That first week of homeschool we made a Apple tree behind his bedroom door out of construction paper.  Ever since then every week I cut him out a number he is being taught and he glues pom poms on it. With that when it is dry he puts it on the Apple tree, and we say from the book, Chicka Chicka 123 is there room for me? And he picks a spot and we tape it. He enjoys that.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Matthew 7

Lately I have been having a hard time with friendships. I evaluate my social life with others. I think wow, what is about this women that has so many friends, that people want to connect with her and reach out and hang out with her. I feel that I put myself out there to people and been vunerable and honest about how hard it is to make friends being a stay at home mom. Or I want to be connected with other moms. I try calling, planning playdates, tell People when I'm free to get together, but I feel like. After my get togethers with people it doesn't get into anything like a deep friendship. No one calls me, barely text me. The only time I get to be with women and socialize is at church. But I feel like that it's as far as it goes. 4 years ago I would give everyone my number when Apple started Kindergarten. I thought this is the time to make some friendships. The connections and phone number I passed out to people, I get updates on their lives by Facebook. I tried calling people, but it is discouraging when I'm the only one calling them, and never them choosing to call me. I judge a lot on facebook, that is why I try to avoid facebook. I know my problems, but everyone on facebook, seem like they have no probems, they have a great social life, many friends, and are the greatest moms to their daughters and sons. Judging others? Jesus says not to judge others, for how I judge others I will be measured. I know it is not healthy of me to go on social media and judge women's lives. Is Jesus speaking to me on how I judge women. I judge what I see on facebook and see that everyone has a friend on a deep level except me. If I'm thinking about this about other women, do women out there think these things about me when they look at my feed on social media? Do they get the same feelings as me, that they think of me as having great friends and maybe felt like they hoped they have that someday? Which leads me to the other verses in this chapter, Ask, Seek, and Knock. I have been asking God this question for probably 9 years now. Why do I not have friends? Like deep connected friendships. Why has God not given me a friend? Someone that just calls to see how I am doing? Or what I am up to? Or when we can get together? One thing I know about the people I tried to connect to and make something happen, they all have one thing in common, ME. Maybe I'm the problem. What is it about me God?
I'm seeking You, God out for answers. I want to know Your Truth.

Monday, October 10, 2016

The One that I save everything

It's been 5 and a half weeks homeschooling. I'm feeling super proud of Hezekiah and me. I am saving all his work and crafts. I take pictures of them, but it's nothing like saving the real thing. I need to figure out how to store all of it. I just can't seem to part with it. Saving everything let's me look at all of what Hezekiah and I did together. I'm just putting them in a box that I store new construction paper, and art supplies, but now it is getting to become a lot that it is getting in the way. I need to store them in a special spot. 
        Hezekiah has been thinking outside of my work plans. He put together a paper rocket all by himself. The E's he traced, he wanted to glue wiggly eyes on the E. E for eyes, I thought it was fitting. I got a shape book at the library, turned out to be a craft book for shapes. He really wanted to make the shape snakes.  It's great that Hezekiah can be in an environment, that is flexible. He's able to contribute and voice what he would like to do. 
       I haven't been telling people about me homeschooling Hezekiah. People can be so opinionated, people that don' t agree with me can be discouraging. Especially just starting out I need to stay positive.  I decided to tell Hezekiah's great grandma, since she asked about him going to school, when we went to her house visiting. She didn't quite understand why I would want to homeschool him. She said Well he will everntually go to school right? I said Well he won't if I decide to keep homeschooling him. Homeschooling is just one subject that people have their own opinion about. I can't have that hold me back about sharing what I'm doing in my life. The only opionion matters is God, who gives me the desire to homeschool and my husband because I need his support. I have my bad times of feeling so discouraged, I feel like finding him a preschool to go to. But it doesn't matter about my feelings, it's about being obedient to the directions of where God is leading me. I am glad I have a God that I can turn to when I feel discourage and He will give me comfort, like a true friend. 
Written 10/3/2016
Hezekiah built a rocket

Wiggly eyes on E

I taught about Jesus feeding 5,000 With 5 bread and 2 fish

Shape snake

Painted E and Hezekiah decided he wanted to glue wiggly eyes on it

I got these resources for $7. I found it on offer up the app. I was checking out the Bob book alphabet books from the library, now I have my own set. 

Letter E,e number 5, diamond
E, Eagle

Dream House

I want to sort out my thoughts on my dream house. Kyle and I are getting really close to looking into buying a house. Well we have been sinc...