Saturday, December 31, 2016

The One with the New Year

      2016 I feel was the best year of my life! I feel that I deserve to say that. I have suffered from depression and anxiety off and on since I was 12. I suffered from an emptiness, insecurities, feeling weighed down for too many years. I deserve to say This Year has been the best Year of my Life!!! This is the year God has freed me from it all. This year was the happiest I ever felt. This is the year I had overflowing joy.  I'm not saying that one day I suffered from these things and then God healed me. I sought out help. I spent a total of 3 years in counseling. I was on anti-depressants. My last year of counseling beginning in 2015 and ending in 2016. My counselor saw something in me that I didn't. She listened to me, she loved me, and she saw what God saw in me. She went through the Bible, pointing out all of what God thought about me. She held me accountable for my thoughts that were lies. She helped me Believe in what God saw in me and loved me. She helped me be confident in how God made me. Enough that, it was time I got off of the anti-depressants. I knew I didn't want to be on anti-depressants forever. Which did help relieve my depression and anxiety enough that I can function without feeling like I wanted to die. But I knew it wasn't long term, or life long. My thinking was a total 365.
I Believe God loved me from the very beginning before I was even born 1 John 4:19
I Believe I am a child of the One True Living God John 1:12
I Believe God cares about every detail of my life Matthew 10:30
I Believe the Holy Spirit gives me abundance of  love, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, patience, gentleness kindness,  self-control; therefore I lack nothing Galatians 5:22
I Believe I am not broken Jeremiah 29:11
I Believe Jesus made me whole Psalm 37:4
I Believe in the Grace of God Hebrews 4:16
I Believe all my sins are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ John 3:16
I Believe God sees me as righteous and perfect because of His Son Jesus Living in me 1 John 1:9,  2 Cor. 5:21
I Believe all these things helped me to renew my thoughts daily and not think badly about myself to fall into a deep depression again
And All these things are true for you for all those who Believe

                                              2016 Is the Best Year of My Life!!!!

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The one about being updated

This is my catching up post from homeschooling from 3 weeks ago. 

Hezekiah learned the letter Hh, number 8, and we are reviewing shapes. He made a house, horse, hamburger craft, jellyfish counting craft. We counted the number of dots for each tentacle. Starting with 1 to ending with 8. 

He has a shape craft book from the library. I picked for him to make a craft from the book. I bought shaped buttons, magnet strips, and a tin container. I had a hard time finding a tin container, found it in the cookie aisle that has like some kind of Dutch sugar cookies.  I cut out the magnet small enough to stick on the button, and he placed them on the back of the button. He did that some on the googly eyes as well. The magnet button and googly eyes stick on the tin, he can make a creation with button shapes and giggly eyes. He liked this. 

My daughter, Apple had the day off from school on 10/28/16 
She was my teacher assisstent that day. She also join in on some crafts. This craft she got a water bottle, orange paint, and white cardstock paper. She dipped the cap in orange paint and pressed the cap with paint on the paper. She turned them into pumpkins with brown paint for the stem and green for leaves. Hezekiah always likes doing paint projects. It was a great harvest craft.

Hezekiah made a creepy spider with the number 8. 

I made sure The week close to Halloween to include, fun Halloween things. I bought Halloween foam stickers. He decorated picture I printed off the computer. The number lines, he counted, Jack o lanterns, candy corn, and bats. Also printed off the computer. 
Hezekiah made an iguana and ice cream with the letter I. Also, a big celebration he has been tracing his letters again. And not just scribbling on the trace. A big vitory. 

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The one that I am super thankful

Since thanksgiving is this month. I have been thinking about what I am super thankful for. I am thankful for Hezekiah. I was filled with joy hearing you say your first words dada and mama. Even two words together when you said thank you. I thought you were on a roll. Then your words came to a halt. You would try to speak, but it didn't come out quite right. My heart was filled with sadness seeing the frustration you felt. Now with your hard work in speech therapy and homeschooling, your vocabulary is too many to count. You had a difficult start, but your speech is flourishing because you never gave up and kept on trying.  I'm so proud of how far you've come. Everything great comes from Dedication, Hard work, Trials, and Errors. Always keep trying and reach your dreams.

I am super proud that he is counting to ten. Every week he learns a new number. The week we were approaching to learn the number 10, I was thinking we may need to start the numbers over again because I wasn't sure if he was grasping counting. Then this happened, now this week instead of going back to 1 and go through 1 to 10 again, we moved on to learn the number 11 and I will be teaching him to count to 20. 

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Saturday, October 29, 2016

The One I Battle with

I know I am doing what God calls me to do, but inside I feel a battle. A spiritual battle of obedience. I could continue being obedient and homeschool my son, or be disobedient and go back to my old ways. Of having a lot of time watching tv, and not fulfilling my purpose, and be lazy. Homeschooling and balancing life chores is hard. I haven't found my rhythm . It doesn't help when I'm saying to myself, this is hard, this is stressful. I need a verse in my life I can meditate on, so my mind will be fruitful, and not weigh me down. Tv I used as a tool to find peace and relax me, when stresses of life have me feeling crazy, I'd love to sit down and have myself some tv time. It relaxes me and soothes me. Tv has no purpose, but at the same time I give and give and give, to my family, tv is a time for me. Now that I am homeschooling, I don't have much time for tv, and when I do, it's only because I'm nursing my baby. I love being able to homeschool. I miss my time of refueling myself, but did tv really refuel me? Or was it just a mirage?  I do need something more, more than tv, more than homeschooling, I need Jesus. I need God to refuel me. He will heal my wounds, He will refuel me emotionally, spiritually, mentally. He will win this battle. That I will feel more joy and less stress. I'm not consistent in my time with Him, but when I do He will rest my weary soul. Battle of purpose filled life or unfulfilling life? It's my choice.
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV 

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Friday, October 21, 2016

The one thinking about next year

I've been feeling all out of sort this week, and some of last week. Last week is kind of a blur for me. Homeschooling is going well. Last week was week 7. I taught on the letter G, g, the shape rectangle, and the number 7. 
Hezekiah made a rectangle owl, G Giraffe, g grapes, rectangle friend, train with glueing rectangles as the box cars, matching shapes, rectangle monster, G gumball machine. 
Today I had to fill out a form stating that my daughter Apple was going to attend the next school year at the school she is at. She goes to a charter school, so every year it is optional for her to attend there. I did sign it back that she will be attending next school year. Already, having to plan out next school year it seems so fast. If I decide to keep homeschooling Hezekiah, I need to talk to her about being homeschooled. I would love to homeschool both children. She didn't want to go to school on Monday, she said she didn't feel like going and just wanted to stay home. I said she has to go, and once she gets there she will feel better. But before all that, she asked why doesn't Hezekiah go to school? Why does he get to be homeschooled? I said because every child is different in how they learn, I feel that he would be better being homeschooled. She didn't express that she wanted to be homeschooled, but definitely if I decide to homeschool him next year, I need to know how she feels. I picked her up that Monday and she was all cheerful. I said did you feel better when you got to school? She said Yes, there was hot chocolate and cookies in our class. She was excited for that. I said see I knew you would enjoy your day once you got there. I need to be in prayer about next school year because I need to make a decision fast. 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Matthew 8

In Matthew 8 Jesus heals many. In all that healing Jesus Calms a Storm. He says "Why are you afriad, O you of little faith." He then calms the storm. Why am I afraid? I have Jesus on my side. I have a lot of things I am afraid of. I can get stuck in my mind with these fearful thoughts. "O you of little faith." Jesus says. How do I grow my faith? As I ponder on this question it seems complicated. It seems complex. I have no words. I asked my husband. He says are you really asking me this? I said yes. He looks around, trying to find something. He goes on his computer and prints out some papers and gives it to me. He says I just taught on that very thing on Wednesday. Noted he is the youth director at our church. The headline of the paper is Faith or.....Fiction? I'm reading though the paper and making notes in my head what I need for answer. I'm just going to say God is good! Here I am in Matthew 8 and most of it is about Jesus healing people, and then in the middle it mentions faith. My husband wrote, Prayer. James 5:15 says" And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick..." so wait a minute. Did it just say that Prayer of faith? If I pray for faith that is enough to save sick people!!! Just as Jesus was healing all the people, but prayer I am taking the action of faith and also I can pray for faith to make my faith stronger. 
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." By acknowledging God I am gaining faith, by my actions, by reading the bible, by prayer. I'm acknowledging in something I cannot see, and that I gain faith, the more I act on my believing in God, the more faith I gain. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure we will get what we hope for. It is being sure of what we cannot see." Believe, hope, faith, all three work together. I cannot believe in something I can't see without faith, and I cannot have faith without hope. For what I hope for that God will do, cannot be asked without faith. 

The One that he is on a Roll

Hezekiah has been on a roll. He wrote H and L all by himself on a weekend, not even during homeschooling time. He wanted to write more letters, so he took some magnet letters I got for him recently, and he was copying them. He has been finding shapes all by himself when we go places. Today he pointed out a square on the wall, the other day he was pointing out ovals. He was watching Super Why and pointed at the H on the show and was so excited he spotted a letter he recognized in his name. Everyday I write his name letter by letter and he points it out at the alphabet. I am feeling positive and having great thoughts about homeschooling. Last week, not so much. So I am going to roll with the positive. This will be a very positive post!
      Last week we did so many awesome things. I taught the letter F,f, number 6, and the shape star. He made a fish, frog, and flower craft. We started doing letter flash cards. He does well with that and seems to memorize the letter more. I searched the clipart I wanted on Google and then paste it in word and then typed the word out under the picture, printed them and cut them out and write the letter on the front. I would mix it up and do some with capitol letters and some lowercase. I would do 8-10 so it doesn't overwhelm him and it's quick. 6 weeks ago we read Chicka chicka 123 and I read it periodically from time to time to refresh the story in his mind. That first week of homeschool we made a Apple tree behind his bedroom door out of construction paper.  Ever since then every week I cut him out a number he is being taught and he glues pom poms on it. With that when it is dry he puts it on the Apple tree, and we say from the book, Chicka Chicka 123 is there room for me? And he picks a spot and we tape it. He enjoys that.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Matthew 7

Lately I have been having a hard time with friendships. I evaluate my social life with others. I think wow, what is about this women that has so many friends, that people want to connect with her and reach out and hang out with her. I feel that I put myself out there to people and been vunerable and honest about how hard it is to make friends being a stay at home mom. Or I want to be connected with other moms. I try calling, planning playdates, tell People when I'm free to get together, but I feel like. After my get togethers with people it doesn't get into anything like a deep friendship. No one calls me, barely text me. The only time I get to be with women and socialize is at church. But I feel like that it's as far as it goes. 4 years ago I would give everyone my number when Apple started Kindergarten. I thought this is the time to make some friendships. The connections and phone number I passed out to people, I get updates on their lives by Facebook. I tried calling people, but it is discouraging when I'm the only one calling them, and never them choosing to call me. I judge a lot on facebook, that is why I try to avoid facebook. I know my problems, but everyone on facebook, seem like they have no probems, they have a great social life, many friends, and are the greatest moms to their daughters and sons. Judging others? Jesus says not to judge others, for how I judge others I will be measured. I know it is not healthy of me to go on social media and judge women's lives. Is Jesus speaking to me on how I judge women. I judge what I see on facebook and see that everyone has a friend on a deep level except me. If I'm thinking about this about other women, do women out there think these things about me when they look at my feed on social media? Do they get the same feelings as me, that they think of me as having great friends and maybe felt like they hoped they have that someday? Which leads me to the other verses in this chapter, Ask, Seek, and Knock. I have been asking God this question for probably 9 years now. Why do I not have friends? Like deep connected friendships. Why has God not given me a friend? Someone that just calls to see how I am doing? Or what I am up to? Or when we can get together? One thing I know about the people I tried to connect to and make something happen, they all have one thing in common, ME. Maybe I'm the problem. What is it about me God?
I'm seeking You, God out for answers. I want to know Your Truth.

Monday, October 10, 2016

The One that I save everything

It's been 5 and a half weeks homeschooling. I'm feeling super proud of Hezekiah and me. I am saving all his work and crafts. I take pictures of them, but it's nothing like saving the real thing. I need to figure out how to store all of it. I just can't seem to part with it. Saving everything let's me look at all of what Hezekiah and I did together. I'm just putting them in a box that I store new construction paper, and art supplies, but now it is getting to become a lot that it is getting in the way. I need to store them in a special spot. 
        Hezekiah has been thinking outside of my work plans. He put together a paper rocket all by himself. The E's he traced, he wanted to glue wiggly eyes on the E. E for eyes, I thought it was fitting. I got a shape book at the library, turned out to be a craft book for shapes. He really wanted to make the shape snakes.  It's great that Hezekiah can be in an environment, that is flexible. He's able to contribute and voice what he would like to do. 
       I haven't been telling people about me homeschooling Hezekiah. People can be so opinionated, people that don' t agree with me can be discouraging. Especially just starting out I need to stay positive.  I decided to tell Hezekiah's great grandma, since she asked about him going to school, when we went to her house visiting. She didn't quite understand why I would want to homeschool him. She said Well he will everntually go to school right? I said Well he won't if I decide to keep homeschooling him. Homeschooling is just one subject that people have their own opinion about. I can't have that hold me back about sharing what I'm doing in my life. The only opionion matters is God, who gives me the desire to homeschool and my husband because I need his support. I have my bad times of feeling so discouraged, I feel like finding him a preschool to go to. But it doesn't matter about my feelings, it's about being obedient to the directions of where God is leading me. I am glad I have a God that I can turn to when I feel discourage and He will give me comfort, like a true friend. 
Written 10/3/2016
Hezekiah built a rocket

Wiggly eyes on E

I taught about Jesus feeding 5,000 With 5 bread and 2 fish

Shape snake

Painted E and Hezekiah decided he wanted to glue wiggly eyes on it

I got these resources for $7. I found it on offer up the app. I was checking out the Bob book alphabet books from the library, now I have my own set. 

Letter E,e number 5, diamond
E, Eagle

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

A week late

I am a week late posting about homeschooling. When my grandma past, I could just feel that week and last week was going to be a little off track. Last week, Hezekiah did all his work I planned, but we didn't get to start school on time. Having a 9 month old baby and homeschooling can get schooling off track. I have to make sure she is fed, content, and happy, before I can start school. Or she wants to be held, and I have to hold her while schooling, which can make things difficult. I'm learning from last week that I need to just roll with all that I can't control. My goal is to start at 9:30am. If that cannot happen I will roll with it. It does no good to get frustrated over things I cannot control. The important thing is that Hezekiah is able to get all I haved planned for the week done. Talking about schdule. Even though I have a start and end of school. The great thing about homeschooling, is I'm trying to find in our whole day together ways to learn. I was going to make brownie's yesterday. My oldest, Apple and Hezekiah wanted to help. It can be so much easier to just do it myself. So I told them I was going to do it, but taking a moment of thinking I am homeschooling, I could see how Hezekiah would like seeing the ingredients mix together and get a chance to stir the brownie mix, all kids love that part. I decided to do it with them. My daughter probably thanked me 4 times that she got to help. Hezekiah loved seeing all the ingredients mixing together. If I weren't homeschooling I maybe wouldn't have took the time to let my kids help. Then I would have missed the joy in their faces.
       I was doing a bible devotion yesterday on my bible app. The devotion is truth or trash for children. It gives a statement, like yesterdays was You are God's friend. Apple said truth. Hezekiah just listened to the devotion. It came to a question who is your friend? I asked Hezekiah, he said Caden. Wow, I was so amazed that he knew who is friend was and was able to verbalize his name. Then he said Everlee. It melted my heart, to hear him say his friends names on his own and not me coaching him. He knew who his friends were. With his speech difficulties, something so simple of him vandalizing something new on his own, can make my heart feel so happy. These simple moments makes me more confident in my choosing homeschooling.
Hezekiah matching the letters to his name

Hezekiah enjoys Legos. We made his name out of them.

Last weeks, crafts and work. 
Two of the plans I prepared for last week.

Websites reference:

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

A hard start to this week

A hard start to this week. First I started this week schooling with a cold. It is rough teaching when I am sick. Actually it's tough doing anything when I'm sick. I tried my best staying on track on Monday. We spent half of the day doing crafts and practicing writing in bed. I missed A few things I needed to do that day. Like songs, and read books, and I think one other craft. I did my best that day. My husband was gone most of the day and came home in the evening with my oldest. After she got out of school, she and her dad were at the church working on the youth room. He is the new youth director at our church and he is doing a full remodel of the room. Well, when they came home he told me my grandma was in the hospital and my Uncle and Aunt are going to give the doctor permission to take her off of life support. So, my aunt and uncle were going to wait until my sister and her family came, and my family came to say goodbye to her. We had the all the kids with us in the waiting room. While they waited in the waiting room with my sister, my husband and I went to go see her. My grandma was at the hospital that morning and she fell. She bumped her head really hard. That caused swelling and bleeding in her brain. In cases like this the doctor would usually intervene and do surgery, but with her age and how fragile she was. The outcome of surgery would not turn out well either. She was put on life support, and now I had to say my goodbyes. It was a confusing time. That she was still alive, but not responsive. I told her I was blessed to have a grandma like her. She lived a life of love for Jesus. She was obedient to Him and had a trust in Him that awed me. As a little girl, she always had this strong presence about her. She was a strong women. A warrior, fighting the good fight for Jesus. She showed me how to live for Jesus as a little girl. I didn't know it then, but she is how I inspire to live my life for Christ. Trusting Jesus full heartedly. She is in heaven now, she passed this morning. I can see her now, no more pain and suffering, dancing, singing her praises to Jesus once again. She had suffered from dementia for the last three years. I will forever see her, as the strong women she was.
      That happening, today was a off day too. How can one truly function 100% when lossing a family member. I got to teach most of what I needed to today. Like yesterday, we didn't sing or read books. Tomorrow, will be a better day. I feel better prepared for tomorrow. I will post my plans today and yesterday another date. 
In loving Memory of Ursula Cowan

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Started on a Wednesday

This week we started school on a Wednesday. Labor Day was on Monday, so We took the day off and decided to go to Muir Woods National Park here in California, the state I live. It was a hour and a half drive from my house. I hoped I enjoyed my trip more. My allergies were horrible that day. Instead of staying a whole day leaving in the evening. We went into the forest for about a hour and a half and was done. The forest is huge. There are many hike trails, which we thought we could walk a few. But instead I was ready to go home and so was Hezekiah. He pretty much complained and was whining half of the time we were there. When we got to the car he was out for a nap in 10 minutes. He was tired. Poor guy.
      Wednesday was great! I taught him the letter B,b. We made a Big B craft to make the B look like a Bee. ( Pictures will be posted, also web references) Hezekiah was not much into practicing his writing yesterday. I know he can trace the letter pages, but he didn't want to. I held his hand and guided his writing. Oh well, I am positive he will start doing it on his own. I taught him our next number 2, next shape, square. He was naming the markers the right colors. He was looking for the black marker for the bee craft and he surprised me and actually called it black instead of moon. That was a happy moment. Also, on tv there was a stop sign and he said red. He is knowing his colors. My heart jumps for joy! It is truly amazing seeing my son learning and verbalizing what he is learning. I pray for that every morning.
      Here are my lesson plans for Wenesday and today:

Hezekiah made Noah's ark because we are learning the number 2. God told Noah to gather 2 of each animals. Hezekiah used sticker foam animals and was able to stick it on the craft like the animals are entering the boat. After that we read Noah's Ark on the Bible kids app. I highly recommend this app the stories are interactive for the kids. We made a B to look like a bee, the craft mentioned above. Then a little b look like a butterfly. He made a square friend, like last week he made his circle friend. He painted in the squares. The painting the squares, I was supposed to take painters tape and make squares out of the tape and then have him paint it and then take the tape off, but I didn't have painters tape on hand, so I just drew the squares with marker. 
I thought his smiley square is adorable! I did help him guide him with tracing the squares, he was not really wanting to do it unless I helped him.
I love the library! Free resources! I got a bunch of b books. Busy Buzzy Bee to go with the bee craft. My b sound box. I really enjoy those series of books. The series have each letter of the alphabet and it is amazing because it has a bunch of words that start with the letter we are studying. A bunny book for our bunny craft tomorrow. The Bahamas to go with our flag painting for tomorrow. Bob books are great short reads for little ones. This one I got was the alphabet series. After each letter I will read the letter book that goes with the letter Hezekiah is studying. I may even buy this series, just because this series is the whole alphabet and he won't get through the whole alphabet until 24 weeks or so from now. So I Will have to keep rechecking it out. It will be easier to just have it. 

Web references: 
Bee craft

Butterfly craft

Paint squares

Noah's Ark

Friday, September 2, 2016

First week of Preschool...Done

Hezekiah and I made it through our first week of homeschooling preschool. It was a fulfilling, purposeful first week. I know it was purposeful for Hezekiah as well. His tantrums has gone down this week. He is enjoying learning. From day one to the last day of this week, just in a week he is tracing the letter A, a. He has a speech delay. My husband, Kyle takes him to speech therapy once every week for the last 6 months. He is trying to say new words, and using a lot more vocabulary on his own just in general throughout this week. I am super proud of him. We were outside playing chase. He would pretend to lock the path, so he would say ocked instead of locked. I will have him stop and look at my tounge placement for the letter L. He doesn't like me doing that, and gets frustrated. In his way he thinks he is saying it right. I could instead make a mental note of the phonics he is having trouble with and do a exercise of repeating those sounds in a fun game. Then it's fun for him and not discouraging to him. Also, I notice his imagination is coming out more. He is painting things I've never seen him paint before. He made a picture of a moon and stars. He made a crescent moon. The stars he pushed down on the paintbrush and it looked like stars. It was amazing to see. 
     Thoughout the week, we do a morning routine, pledge of alligence, pray, sing the alphabet song, calendar, time, and write his name on the writeboad. I write each letter in his name and he tries to find it in the alphabet, that is on top of the write board I have. Then I write the letter of the week. Here is my lesson plans for this week. 

Pictures from this week
I traced his hand and part of his arm to make a trunk for the Apple tree. Then I drew a's to look like apples. He glued the pieces together and glued the a's on the tree. 

I prepared tracing A, a, circle, and the number 1, the night before school.

Hezekiah tracing the letter A

After the letter of the week is done, he gets to paint a wooden cut out of the letter to hang in his room for an alphabet boarder.
He glued cut outs of fishes, plants, and a castle for his Aquarium

Website Resources:
Circle Friend:
Circle craft biggest to smallest:
One God:
Africa flag video:
Africa printable:
Africa animals:

New journey

I have come so far from my journey of healing since starting this blog. I found a great church that I feel loved and welcomed at. I was meeting the woman's director every week for a year. She has helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus. I am confident in my relationship with Jesus. Through Jesus I am not broken, I am righteous in God's eyes. I am his Masterpiece. He made no mistakes when he made me  "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 With this new found way of thinking, I am starting a new journey of homeschooling. I want to use this blog to keep track of crafts, projects,  curriculum, daily schedule, etc. To help anyone that may need resources for their homeschooling journey.

       I have three children. Right now, I decided to homeschool my middle child, Hezekiah he is 4 years old. We started school two days ago. His first day went really well. I drew him an American flag and he colored it in. Then we said the pledge of allegiance, prayed, made an letter A craft to look like an alligator, made an ant craft, practice cutting a straight line using scissors, sang head, shoulders, knees, and toes, read Chicka Chicka 123, played outside and then it was time for nap at 1:30p. We started at 9:30a. It was a great first day. 

Dream House

I want to sort out my thoughts on my dream house. Kyle and I are getting really close to looking into buying a house. Well we have been sinc...